A New Journey

I recently read an article about how to love your life. One of the points it made was to do what you love. That got me to thinking, what is it that I love to do? I find myself stuck in a rut…don’t get me wrong, I love my family, but it seems like I went from one extreme to the other, and got lost somewhere in between.

I used to work full time for my dad. I was making good money and enjoyed most of my responsibilities. I was dating a great guy who traveled a lot for work, so I got to travel all over the US and Europe with him. But something was missing. I was 30 and still hadn't completed college. I was stuck – there were very limited options for night classes. I met with an advisor and found out in 3 semesters, I could have my Bachelor’s degree. Since I love reading and writing, I decided English Literature was the way to go. I planned on having an education minor so I could teach high school, but with one semester left, I got pregnant. My minor quickly changed to Women’s Studies so I could graduate before the baby came. I had seen firsthand how difficult it was for moms to complete college with a baby and wanted to make sure I finished. I graduated with honors, 5 months pregnant.

Since I was so obviously pregnant (80 extra pounds is hard to hide!), I didn't even try to find a full time job right out of college. I was working retail. My last day at that horrible place was the day my water broke right over the toilet. My gorgeous daughter was born the next day, 3 weeks early, and I went from selfish to selfless immediately. I stayed at home with her as long as I could, but bills don’t pay themselves, so back to work I went at the only place around that required an English degree. Unfortunately, the pay was horrible and the environment sucked.

So here I am, 6 years and a couple more jobs later, still not using my degree. I miss college. I miss having intellectual discussions about literature. I miss writing papers about the underlying themes in postmodern books. I miss my professors. Most of all, I miss using my brain. This is where my funk comes in. There is not one place in my area where I can utilize my degree to its fullest. I find myself dealing with anxiety and depression. I've thought long and hard about where these feelings come from, and other than the fact that my high school boyfriend treated me like shit and crushed my self-esteem, I have come to the conclusion that I need to get back to what I’m passionate about. Reading and writing. That is why I started this blog, to get my thoughts out. Even if nobody reads it, at least I am writing again. I’m going to try to find other things to do that I love, but with a very active 6 year old, my time is limited. It is time for me to stop making excuses and find what I love and make the most of it. 

This should be an interesting journey….